White People all look the Same

You people out there might eventually have to pay for this material. I got into school at NYU for journalism and therefore hence might eventually be a professional writer. Not just the resident genius at the AFBlog. Of course the way things are going, you probably won’t have to pay for a newspaper or a magazine, you’ll get it for free on line and I’ll have to suck dick to get by just like Houser.

The reason I bring this up is that in journalism I’ve been told or heard or heard through the grapevine that you are not supposed to bury the lead. I excel at burying the lead, at traveling through completely obscure metaphors to arrive at my point. If you’ve read any of my posts I think it’s pretty obvious. Take for instance the post about Jay-Z and John Freeborn. It’s convoluted and weak at best, as far as the connection is concerned.

And here I am getting off topic, burying my lead. I wanted to write a long opening, but decided I should put the best part up front then put in the filler. Then this mess happened. I can’t help myself. I might have lost my audience already. This is what I envision my journalism teachers telling me. They’ll probably tell me to take out all the digs at Houser and Freeborn too. I’m not sure I’ll have what it takes to make it in the field of writing. Whatever.

I went to the Sixers game with My World Famous Artist Friend Jim Houser the past Sunday. Our seats were directly behind the Sixers bench, courtside. We were lucky enough to witness a little history. The Sixers lost by 50 points. That loss is the worst home loss in the history of the franchise. The Rockets own the Sixers. The last game they played against each other the Rockets were ahead by 37 going into the fourth quarter. This time they were up by 36. The first game the Rockets won by 20, this game they won by 50. I think the problem was that Mo Cheeks didn’t put in Fake Korver soon enough.

I screamed and yelled for this guy to get in, but it wasn’t until garbage time that they put him in. On the ride home I learned via sports radio that Fake Korver was signed to a 10 day contract. I looked up his numbers while he was in college:

His 2005-6 stats are decent, but how does this guy make it to the NBA? Are they hoping that he’ll be funny and turn into the next Paul Shirley? Is that something the Sixers even want or need? The Sixers are awful. They’re so bad that it’s funny. We stayed for the whole game, they don’t need a quasi-funny guy like Shirley on the squadron. They’ve got Sammy Dalembert. Watching Dalembert get juked by Yao Ming’s slow motion maneuvers is enough comedy for me.

Houser described it as such: “Sammy defense is like a dog. When you pretend to throw a ball to a dog then hide the ball behind your back and the dog takes off running, that’s how throwing a head fake at Sammy works.” He’s totally right. We watched Yao post up Sammy get jammed throw a minor head fake at Dalembert which led to Dalembert jumping, then shooting right over him. Dalembert is stupid.

Remember when I said that thing about burying the lead, this is what I meant. All I really wanted to post in here is this picture of Ed Snider and me. I saw him walking across the court at half time and got Jim to take this photo.

art STARS , re: shameless self promotion.

hey dudes .

so , my buddy matt leines is having a show at the space on april 6th. he is rad, his art is rad , and you should go look at it.

the good thing about shows at the space is that they dont get popping until 9 or 10 . that would would give you more than enough time to go to the painted bride from 6-8 for the other show that night. mine.

houser .

March Fagness

This is a sad week.  It appears as though I won’t have a re-cap for last week.  I’m really sorry.  I’ll try to make it up next week with a few great posts.  I feel an extended Houser Watch coming on.

The tournament is still a work in progress.  Haas recommends that we call it March Fagness.   I agree.   So far the squads are:

Crazy D/John Free

Houser/Yarow

Haas/Christian

Nicky/Dom

and AJW is looking for a partner.

This weekend, in the flesh we’ll put it together and set it up for next weekend.

AFBL MADNESS!

The AFBlog came together so nicely because it’s called the AFBlog. It’s a perfect nomeclature. It nestles into itself splendindly. I wish all things could be named so easily. A catchy title is half the battle. Look at teams like the Tampa Bay Devil Rays or Atlanta Thrashers. How can we take them seriously with such awkward dopey names? When a team like the San Jose Sharks or the Baltimore Ravens materialize it’s easier to accept them because of their fluid names.

Last year one Mr. Jim Houser, he of the Watch fame, suggested that we start an AFBL march madness tournament. Everyone would partner up for a two on two contest and then we could create a bracket. It was a great idea then and I hope it is a great idea now. I sent out an email today, so far all I have is myself and Mr. Houser, Nicky and Dom, and AJW looking for another baller. I hope more people get stoked. If I have to mention it at the game next Saturday, then I will, but this could be really fun if more people join. The games will be run to 8 by just 1’s. No three balls. Street rules, winner keeps, take back on everything. No Kobe elbows, otherwise loose and fast style games.

I’d like more people to join because I don’t want to make me and Jim the top seed give us a bye and then play the winner of AJW/TBD against Dom/Nicky. Winning that might feel somewhat unfulfilling.

I wish I had a catchy name for this event. I can’t think of any puns or spin offs invloving the AFBL moniker. If anyone can come up with a good name then I think this thing can be a success. And don’t call it something dumb like the Columbus Blue Jackets. You know?

Week 17-Where’s the Intensity

All we needed was a small flame beneath the collective toochis of the AFBL to return the league to it’s prodigious numbers.  12 players in total filled the gym for what will be remembered as a awful display of basketballing.  The AFBL has always been turnover prone but this weekend was truly epic.  There was a sequence where one team threw the ball out of bounds on an errant pass.  The other team got the ball back and threw it out of bounds on the in bound pass.  Then the other team got it back and lost the ball.  Then the other team turned it over.  If that sounds confusing, I’m sorry, we don’t name our teams, though I’ve been lobbying all season long for us to do that. 

Let me simplify that second to last sentence:  We collectively stank last Saturday.  It was pretty unreal.  What’s funny about how crappy we are is the way we choose to exhibit our crappy tendencies versus our moderately okay tendencies.

One game in particular, though it happens in almost every game, effectively demonstrated the bi-polar AFBL nature.  Team A-for lack of a better term- and Team B-same reason- were closing in on a final.  Team A led the entire game by a wide margin.  Miraculously B came back.  They narrowed the margin.  They managed to get within 2 baskets or so of tying the game.  Unfortunately A was at 14, the game was played to 16 and we kept score with 2’s and 3’s.  B decided that it would not lose.  B began clamping down on defense.  It worked surprisingly well and for the next 5-10 minutes B couldn’t score.  A couldn’t score either.  Eventually B managed to mercifully end the game.

Why is it that we tend to hang on until the end, then when we realize that we can’t win the game that we try our hardest?  Where is the intensity in the start of the game?  Why is John Freeborn flinging left handed hook shots from mid court on the first possession of every game, but clamping down on defense and swinging the ball for the last possession? 

We play harder at the end of the games to ease our conscious.  If we lose, then we can’t say we didn’t try.  If we win, then it was an amazing comeback.  I’m not advocating increased defensive play by anyone.  I’d prefer no one guard me.  I have trouble making open layups.  I think I missed 4 this weekend.  I just want some consistency from the league.

One way you people can be consistent is to show up again this weekend.  12 people is much better than 6-regardless of the insanely sloppy play.  How much rust did you guys have?  My excuse?  Well, yes I’ve played all but 1 game this season, so I shouldn’t have rust. 

Well, if you must know, my sneakers we’re too tight.

HOUSER WATCH: Week 17, Raking Childhood Scars

I’m just going to cut and paste our email interaction:

ME (to all of you):As a youth I played organized basketball just once.  I was ten years old or so and played in a rec. league for like 8 weeks.  How am I so good with out technical training?  Like Jimi Hendrix, I guess I’m just naturally talented.  When I played in the league I was given a t-shirt as a jersey.  On the front it read, “Hillsborough Recreation” atop a basketball.  On the back of the dark green shirt the number 17 gleemed in a vinyl white.  17?  Who wore number 17?  I didn’t get a sexy number.  My father researched who wore 17 in the NBA.  Chris Mullin.  Okay.  I’ll take it.  I had a crew cut at the time and a drinking problem, so I guess it made sense.  For some odd reason, I always chose 17 as my number in sports from then on.  I didn’t even like Chris Mullin or basketball all that much.  It just stuck.

Jim’s response:  i played basketball , and got cut from a team that didnt have have
cuts , because of ” behavior problems “. i was 11 and hyperactive.
they kept the retarded kid, and i got cut for kicking basketballs .

i am not kidding. so i played baseball and was number 8 , because i was born in august.
and i played football and was number 85 . tight end.aaron mckie is my favorite player ever, so i am sticking with 8.

Me:  Holy shit.  Please tell me this is allowed to go on the blog. 

Jim:  sure… rake the childhood scars.

Protocol Issues

I don’t know the protocol for linking to other people’s pages and essentially reshaping a relevant blogs information, but I’m going to throw this stuff out there.  Agent Zero is so hot right now.  It’s disturbing considering the precipitous drop in his game.  Klosterman wrote about him in Ny Times Play Magazine.  Then Freedarko responded to that.  Then I saw this on truehoop which linked to the actual post. 

So Gilbert takes his free throws. As he gets ready for the third and final one, he turns to the Golden State bench and says: ‘Go to the lockerroom. Get on the bus. It’s over.

Gilbert Arenas is such a strange figure.  He feels like the closest thing in the NBA to the Arcade Fire.  The Arcade Fire is one of those critical darling bands but has begun to generate cross over success.  As is witnessed by their profiles in the Ny Times Sunday Magazine  and the New Yorker.  Hell, even Tony Kornheiser is openly petitioning the listeners of his radio show to give him tickets to their sold out D.C. show.  I personally don’t care much for teh Arcade Fire, but I respect bands that seemingly do this on their own and make it big time.

Gilbert Arenas is going the same route.  He is generating his own star power with his quirkiness.  However, when will he have to step up?  Will he ever be a star like T-Mac and V.C. who burn for a minute on skills and then fade out all together?  Will Arenas ever win anything and would he become a bigger star if he was somewhere besides D.C.?

I just wanted to post that insane bit about telling the team to get on the bus before he took his last shot.  Last year he choked in the playoffs when LeBron handed him the ball on the free throw line and said this is your season, don’t fuck it up.  This year he’s calling people out in the regular season.  Dude’s got stones. 

I am interested in this because of the level of confidence and bravado it takes to do something like that.  Not just on a basketball court.  I’m talking about every where in life.  I never ever feel that confident.  If I ever feel good about something, I immediately start to wonder why I feel good and then I get paranoid about the fact that I’m paranoid about the feeling I thought was good.  Then it’s usually over.  What happens to Gilberto?  Does he not feel those feelings?  What happens when he is wrong?  Can he just laugh it off?  These are the burning questions in my life.

Dunk Follow Up

Jim seems to think these will help me dunk. I’ll try anything. But probably not these:

I Want to Dunk

There is nothing else in the world I would rather be able to do than dunk.  Is dunking an acquirable skill?  Or is it innate?  Are people born dunking?  If I hadn’t wasted my time on skateboard for all those years, would I be able to slam dunk?  Can I learn now?  I’ll buy those dumb shoes, I’ll do what it takes, as long as what it takes is not hard work.  You ain’t getting this guy in a gym.

Theres thousands of these videos on youtube, I just chose this one of Vince Carter because it is amazing and it highlights the difference between American ballin and Euro ballin.  I like to think that Carter made this dunk lost his mind and Team USA was down by 20.  That would summarize our nation’s basketball pretty succinctly.